bitch

we quarrelled for the 1st time after the break-up yesterday.actually i can't remember exactly what we said.i can only remember i am upset 'cos it seems that whenever i ask him out, he is bound to be tied down with something and he doesn't seem to put in any effort in meeting.hello.didn't you said it yourself that we'll still go out together after not being together n stuff like that.and apparently it's ALWAYS me who'll be the one suggesting to go out.yes, i know you got stuff going on on your side..work..family..her..but you don't seem to be making any effort what! and what really sparked things off was that u called me SELFISH.anw, it is not the first time u said that and yes, maybe I'm and have been very selfish.but is 'cos i really care and is trying to make things work, be it before or now.ok, maybe i show(ed) it the wrong way.ffffffffffffff.

he apologised for calling me that.i really felt like saying WHATEVER.but tts so bad.but in d end i also apologise for starting to say all i said and kicking up a fuss n stuff like that.i felt really bad though i feel better after saying what i had to say.WHATEVER LA.argh.

and i think/hope the card i wrote will be the last attempt i would make to bring us back together.all he says is he wants me back but we'll be in the same situation if we are.den f do sth la!since day 1 u told me u will do sth soon.hey.hi.we've already broken up n it's still f d same thing what.k chill zhihua.all you could do was to say but nothing done.I'm just very fed up with your indecisiveness and indifference.

argh.this is so f screwed up.don't make me hate the both of us.

this came to my mind while i was on the way to lunch just now

it is so cold outside on this beautiful night
so why don't you stay in bed with me,
and we'll make love the way you like?

hahah.i dunno why.

oh.i just copy all his sms into this folder in my laptop.and named it, yes, sms.=D
lame.
i just want to clear up my phone a bit.and when i saw the sms he sent me when we just gotta know each other or even when we just got together, i can't help to notice how different is he now.he's more light-hearted, loving or even a little flirty previously.but after we got together for some time, we started to quarrel and saying sorry to each other, when they could simply and sweetly replaced with sweet whispers and love words.

i just realised it's just might be because I'm over-sensitive and he's not sensitive enough at times.and i won't say it is another of our fault.although i won't say it is my fault (largely, at least) 'cos i was like that 'cos i was very unsecured and care(d) a lot about the both us.and maybe since i was just a fall-back plan he can depend on when plan A don't feel like giving a shit, he didn't have to mind me a lot.or he could just do without me anytime.
how great.

eh.this is like the 1st resentful entry about us after the break-up.bitch.
i dunno how will he fell if he ever gets to read this blog.haha.

when i was reading those old sms, i couldn't even remember he said all those things.maybe we are too clouded with all those negative energy between us.but i also can't seem to remember a lot of the reasons we quarrelled for.such contradictory.

i think the card will be the last chance between us.not that i want to give up but it seems that he is not reciprocating to the effort I'm putting in.it seems like he still haven't make up his mind who he wants.it seems that he is not very wanting us to come back together.it seems that he can still do without me.
okie.i know i am saying all these might just be very well 'cos I'm still upset about us not together and his "seeming-ly f care" attitude."seeming-ly f care" means that i may be thinking too much.again.

k. maybe i was lying in the previous entry.
i still (subconsciously) care alot.
i haven't hear from him today.though i know he is most probably sleeping(like a logggggggggggg) now, he will USUALLY tel me he's home or stuff like that.
he's too tired la, as usual.
and the promised email is (expectedly) not here yet.haha.
i am not being resentful la.but when u expect something to happen and eventually they don't, it gets quite disappointing and irritating.
irked.

hi.

gee.i dunno is it PMS or just i really thought through it.i seem not to be THAT desperate to be back with hanbin already.no, not that i don't love him anymore.just that it is not like i want to be with him or else i will die that kind of mood already.deep down inside, i most probably want to be happy together again.but i am not as gan-jieong like last time la.maybe this is better also.as in.i won't be holding high hopes for us and even if we don't happen again, I probably won't die la.hahaha.

hi=)
but he is still someone very special and important to me.i still love him.

gee.i finished writing the card las night.wa lau.really like quite long leh.essay writing in a card.shy.HEHEHE.

he said he will return me an email by tomorrow morning.i pray hard it is not something bad.you know what i mean when i say bad la.so IN CASE IT IS, should i send out the card like NOW?cos i dunno reading the email, will i still want to send the card or not?=D
but i haven make a copy of the card.i want to keep one copy for personal reference.=D
in case i never get to see the card and its recipient anymore.=\

he is still very sick=(

we were suppose to go out today.or maybe come my house swim or sth.but he's too sick to even go out la.poor baby=(

i was out when he called me yesterday.when i took out the phone, it was a missed call already-_-
called back and we talked for quite a while.he said he didn't reply my sms cos he was out with his mum.haha.but i just this feeling he was with winnie (and maybe his mum also).cos he sounded a bit unsure and "kou chi" when he told me that.haha.i know it is just perfectly normal they are out together since they are together.but it still hurts me.maybe cos i still feel i am part of him and he's a part of me so i still cannot get used to the idea he is going out with someone else=(

nah.i should be getting used to that.somemore that is only what i think.and it might be becasue i always think so much that he couldn't stand being with me so i must change that as much as possible.haha.he asked about my eyes.and he said..see la.ask u go see doctor earlier don't want.kinda stuff.i feel that he still truly and strongly cares for me.the way he said and how he sounded.then we sms-ed.i said i miss him.i told him i miss him and asked if he's avoiding me.he say he's not avoiding me and why should he.and i dunno why he apologised.then i asked is it he rather me not say that.he said no and the sorry doesn't point to that.=S
i really dunno.you sound like you still care but it seems very distant and unsure.i said i miss you.but either you don't feel it or you just don't want to say, you didn't tell me so.but i don't blame you =\ i am sure you have your own reasons la=)

ong just edited this photo of ours.remember the one we took in the bus with the Indian guy behind?=D

i like this photo a lot=)









gee.i guess i should just wait for you to ask me out.and no, i am not playing hard to get. i just don't want you to think i am irritating and stuff like that.cos that's the worst that can happen now when i already don't have you.so don't forget k =)

and please get well soon.i feel very helpless to see you suffering.i am not like anyone who can do something/ everything for you already so when i can't do anything, i feel very useless not being able to do anything for you.faster get well then we can go swim like we planned =D

gee.we are only 2 days away from our 3rd month anniversary.even if we are still together, we won't be able to spend it together cos you'll be on duty.haha.hmmm.but i rather not be able to spend it together than to not being able to spend it at all.i was out with Daphne that day then i remembered art friend sells those cards for Love and one of it talks about troubled relationship.i got one and i think i will give to you =\

this is what is on the card:
I hate it when we fight, because i know deep in my heart how much we care for one another. It's silly, when you think about it, that two people who love each other should have such a hard time getting back on the right track. I want so much for us to listen openly to each other and focus on what brought us together in the first place...to get past the hurt and tears to the hugs and kisses...beyond misunderstandings to forgiveness. I'm more than willing to try, and I hope you are, too...because when things are right between us, life couldn't be better. And i can't wait till we're back enjoying each other again.

and this is what i will write in the card:
(okie.i dunno yet.think i will write it out 1st la.=D)

hanbin is sick.=(

we were suppose to go club tonight.then he told me last night he can't cos he still feels sick but he just needs to rest and he'll be fine.but i think it got worse and he is seeing another doctor after seeing the previous one now.and i am really worried.i typed him a sms but i don't think i will send it out actually.lest he finds it irritating.

"Erm.I'm really worried about you.n i miss you.if u need anything,just let me know ok.i just want to do sth to make you feel better."

i dunno if i should tell him this.i want him to know but i don't want him to find me a pester.i miss him so much.it feels very painful when he told me he can't meet me.i understand it is because he's not feeling well and he needs to rest.but i seem very far away from someone who can be there for him when he's feeling down.i miss him so much =(

hi =)

we went out tog ytd.yeah =D

i sms after work.he said ya coming down later to meet you.hahahaha.he actually wanted to come china town to eat.i mean.he wanted to come OVER and meet me?hahaha.he said he wanted to eat here but i choose to believe it is cos he is nice and still remember that he promised he will come over near my workplace to meet me.=)

but cos he overslept and i had already left the office with no where to go, he say meet at city hall or vivo.i chose vivo.so i slooooooooowly made my way there.i waited for about a hour.and when the thoughts of me going to meet him soon makes my heart skipped many beats.i dunno why.so when i was walking towards him, i had to remind myself not to stretch my hands out for him to hold.-_-

so we met.and it wasnt really awkward as i feared.we could talk normally!or even less pressurizing because maybe we think we are not so stressed about the problems we had cos we ain't together already.

we were avoiding a crowd then suddenly he placed his hand around my waist to lead me away.i tell you.all my hair stood.haha.it was very surprising yet comforting.den over dinner it was perfectly normal.as in it was like nothing happened.i fed him from my spoon.he pinched my nose and i gave the expression like we did.he massaged my sore eye (n oh ya.it is getting worse leh -_-).we shared our drinks.he paid the bill.after dinner we went to the toilet (or is it before?i cannot remember la)i spotted a rash on his neck and asked him why.my fingers were on his neck then he touched my fingers.i didn't let go even when he put his hand down so i sorta held his hand but he retracted.but when we came out of the toilet. it was normal again =)

it was very coooooooooooooold at vivo yesterday.god knows why.and both of us were like shivering away.as i was wearing long sleeves, he jokingly say i should take it off for him.and he knows i am not wearing anything inside.-_- then he said since like that, let him put his hands into my top-__-.then dunno how, his hand was in my sleeves already.i tell you.i couldn't even talk properly already.hahaha.

then jovan called and asked him to zouk.so we were leaving for home already.and i could almost feel myself being torn apart.i was like..so fast?=( i wanted to take a bus home so he said he also take bus and we went to the bus interchange.i dunno what got into me i became very quiet suddenly.he kept asking me why but all i could do was to force a smile.when we were at the escalator, i couldn't help it but hug him.( and oh ya ya.when we were at the escalator in vivo,he was telling me he going zouk later and as usual i very gian to go so he said friday together la, cos i told him i was thinking to club on friday but i thought he was working.then he said he prolly taking leave.so friday go with me=) i wasn't really listening already.we were standing so closely together unknowingly.and i kissed him.he didn't push me away.neither did he reciprocate.then we resumed to talking normally).hahaha -_-
how sudden.

back to the way home.then he kept asking me why i suddenly turned quiet.i couldn't take it anymore and i hugged him and said i missed him so much.i didn't and couldn't let go of him.i said.can we don't be like this?and he said.zhihua.don't make things so awkward.very awkward meh.hahaha.anyway, we sat at the interchange for a while and talked.that was the least expected place to talk about our break up la-_- then i asked him is he happier for the past few days.he said like normal lo.-______-.it is either it hasn't been affecting him much or just that he doesn't feel happier but maybe or not sadder.i told him i dunno how the break up don't seem to affect him much, but i was very difficult for me the past few days.he seemed apologetic.then i said, do you want me back?he said ya.but won't it be like he's pitying me?i never thought of that and i asked so are you pitying me now?he said no.then he say, if we are back together now, we would be in the same situation as before.which i thought of also.so i asked when the situation is settled, will we?he said to see what is he like then.-__- okie.at least he wasn't as absolute like he was on the phone that night.=) i asked if we can still go out.he said of course =)

i hugged him goodbye.and he kissed me on my cheek.i kissed him on his lips.=)

so off he went to zouk.and to work early morning the next day.poor thing =(
oh ya.when he told me he going zouk and work early the next day, he said like last time with you like that.taoyan =)

when he says he still wants me back, i was relieved and feel there's hope.i don't want to hold it high though.but at least it is there.i still love him.i love you my baby.=)

baby.give us one more try.

i feel very helpless and despair when i couldn't say much when you didn't call me and you going out with winnie.i know i am nobody to mind too much of your business now.but because i still care and love you,i cannot help but to feel that way.

and i feel so bad for saying i didn't receive your message.you did replied and i even open the message.just that maybe i was still sleeping when i checked my phone so i couldn't remember it at all.and i just jumped into thinking you didn't reply at all.i am sorry.
it seems that i still haven't change much in this way.

i still can't stop thinking about us.about why we left each other.about what if we are still together.about if we can ever come back together.tell me you want take back what you said.we can start afresh.as long as you say yes.=)

it is not too late yet.right?=) because we are still going so strong for each other.beca

i pushed too hard. i broke your heart.

i dunno is typing this entry in d office a good choice.i dun wan to shock my colleagues with a sudden outburst of my emotions.ha.

there seems to be a lot of things i want to say about both of us and the break up.everything to me still seems very ironical, surreal and painful.it is so intense yet very intangible.unbearable lightness of life i am reminded of.when i cant even put a finger on how i feel yet i can still feel them so strongly.

we've been talking still.thank god.cos that time on d phone after talking about the break up i said i will be waiting for him to ask me out (sort of to lighten the mood but i do mean it)then he said it should be the other way round.i guess he is thinking i wont want to see him.so i asked if he still wants to go for a haircut like he said before and if he needs me to accompany him.he said of course and why not Tuesday.which is today.but he said he can't confirm since he hasn't been resting enough.

i dunno why but i can talk about it in a very light hearted manner online with jinny n others ytd online.i could even joke about it.but i was talking to candy about it over dinner last night and when i am alone, i cannot help but feel that i am enormously swallowed by the sadness i am drowned in.like when i was telling candy about us in the past, i almost forget we are not together anymore.i feel very detached from the present situation we are in.i still choose to believe subconsciously that we are not over yet.though we are still friends, candy say i shouldn't expect another relationship to develop from here lest i get myself hurt more.if i have to admit, yes i still hold on to the hope that we might be together again, although he himself said before that he don't think he can ever be my boyfriend again.i hate that.don't make it sound so absolute.cos i know things might work out again.who knows right?just like who would knew we'll end up in this way?at least i never did.i always thought the only problem between us was you still being with winnie all this while.but ever since you told me since your 1st girlfriend, u never could commit into another relationship again.i said i can wait for you to bring yourself into this relationship.u told not to wait for you and to start thinking for myself.but to me, i am doing this cos i thought about it already.then you told me not to push you away.i never did.and then you told me we should just stay as friends.this is confusing to me.you said this is for my own good.i can decide what's for my own good and i can tell you this is certainly not doing me any good.we still love each other.so why do we have to leave each other like this?you said you cannot stand me feeling so depressed over the both of us.you cannot stand me being so clingy towards you.you cannot stand me getting so pissed and shouting over the phone.i ought to explain myself.i was feeling so depressed about us because you are still with her, at times you don't seem to care, i felt very unsecured about the relationship.i mean.take a look from my side.who can tolerate her boyfriend going out with another girlfriend?maybe i shouldn't come into the picture in the first place.but since we were already together and the things you promised me were not done yet, i don think i can blame myself for feeling like this.and on the part where i shout through the phone -__- okie.maybe it is my hand phone cos i cannot control the volume.maybe cos i tend to talk louder when i am agitated.and i am totally sorry for that.you say you cannot give me what i want.but you are who i want.who i need.who i love.i don't know you can decide that for me.u asked if i still trust you.of course i do.i am telling you nobody can tell me what is better for me.cos i know it myself.but since i trust so so much and you are so insistent, i dunno what to do but to go with your decision.i never expect us to go separate ways when we still love each other so much.i never expect us to leave so soon, also.i could see us going for a very very long time.but you said you've been thinking about this the past few weeks.i wonder why.

for the past few days, I've been thinking if you will be happier without me.you said breaking with me is the most difficult decision you will make.and now you've made it, i wonder where you got your strength from.and will you regret it if you know i am feeling so miserable now?you know how happy and whole you make me.so i guess you know how upset and broken i am when u leave me.frankly, i really hope we can start again very soon.i promise i will stop being such a bitch in a relationship.but i don't want you to feel pressurized to do so.let me go back to you because you love and need me.tell me that.

I've been also thinking if we should talk about our break up soon.like there are many things i don't understand that made us end up like that.

you know.every little things remind me about us.especially Kiss Goodbye.the first song you serenade to me.the song that means so much.i now hate lying on my bed alone.because i know how much you can warm my bed and me up when you were still here.i don't like being alone now cos i know you might be there for me anymore.

and seeing you so insistent on the break up.i dunno how i should feel.i may not have to feel very sad cos you think this is good for me though i dunno how.but i don't feel very comforted cos i feel like shit now.i hate you for leaving me when i still love you and you still love me.

i miss calling you my baby.i miss your hugs and kisses.i miss the closeness and togetherness we shared.i miss feeling happy whenever i think of you.i miss talking to you.i miss having you.i miss smiling for you.i miss thinking about you without having to cry.i miss feeling happily in love with you.i miss being proud of you.i miss you telling me you miss me you love me.i miss you.

can we be back together please?i promise we'll feel happier than ever.we still have so much for each other.why do we have to end up like that?to me, this is worst decision we made.worst.

hanbin and i.
we are over.
we still love each other.
but we are no longer together.
guess the only thing that will change is the way we'll show our love.

i still love you my baby.

hi.
work as usual is boring to d max la.sumore todae i came earlier, supposedly to help out for BFL's photoshoot preparation.smlj oso nv do lo -_-
n d bes ting is i gt FOH ytd n actually can come in later 1 leh.n i came earlier lo.CCB.sian.

sian sian sian.

yeah.later dinner wid hl hq n pp.n my baby is comin too =)
it's been long i've seen him.actually only since monday la.BUT IT IS VEH LONG FOR ME K.esp for d past few days we werent veh happy.so i hope everything wil b fine later.

hai.i asked if we cld tok abt us.he didnt seem veh keen actually.hmm.mayb i shud jus let it go since we're fine now.but wad if everything jus accumulates and falls on us one bad day?tts d worst man.i will jus myself tt time.literally.

nono.we wil b fine =)

he is such an ass.he called in d mornin to wake me up.wah.veh long no lidat sia.anw.i told him he's on speakers cos i was changin.den he said.tt means u nt wearin anitin la?den i was like -___- jus now la.hahaha.den he said.so jus nw dun haf la.i -_______________-.den nid 2 put dwn d fone.i said i miss him.he didnt sae anitin prolly cos at work he shy HEHEH.den i sms him sae, gt wear clothes den dun miss me la.he sae miss me even more HAHAHAH.den i said he suddenly so sweet talker.den he said cos he tired.wads d link sia.hahhaha.so he shud b slpy more often so he wil sae more sweet tings.but if he gts slpy 2 often, tts d end.he slps like a pig n dun care abt anitin, even me wen he needs to slp.=D

2dae's pamela's las dae.kns.i m so gonna die in Toy.like it is nt bad enough now. -__-

SIAN ARH.NB.

或许你没看出来
周围的人都在猜
有种感觉正在我们之间展开
喜欢你偶而作怪
不经意流露的坏
其实体贴实在
孩子气的胸怀
曾经有过的恋爱
彷佛一片空白
直到遇见你我才真的存在
我只想做你的公主
拥有那平凡的幸福
华丽的珍珠
不如眼底的专注
对我深深呵护
我想我是你的公主
终结这多年的追逐
当你抱着我
地球也暂停脚步
我刹那间清楚
你是我的幸福
沉潜太久的孤独
这一刻获得救赎
我忽然好想哭
感激你这一路
陪我笑陪着我辛苦
无悔的付出

歌曲：做你的公主

歌手：何耀珊 专辑：拥抱

it is not tt i mind u didnt ask me along to zouk baby.

it is jus tt i tot u cld at least ask, though i noe it is cos i gt work d nex day so u didnt wan to ask me.but i wil feel rmb-ed n impt if asked. =(

n it doesnt even seem to upset u like it does to me tt u 4gt to tel me tt u wld b out of town n back in town on tues. it is not tt i have to know where u every single minute. actually i wld wan to know but of cos i dun expect u to report to me.but d ting u forget abt it n me sorta prompt me to think if i am actually in ur mind nt.if i am actually tt impt to u not.

n wen we were tokin abt how i feel las night (like how neglected n hurt i feel kinda stuff), u jus gave me very short n impatient replies.i mean, i m worried abt u n tis is all u cld tel me.u even asked me wad happened n wad have u done.baby.if i hafta spell out everythin, it might b veh ugly.i m sure u somehow know.i feel u oughta b more sensitive to hw i feel.yes, like u said, i shudnt always think it is ur fault.n i know it myself tt sometimes, it is cos of me.d tings i ve to make u feel pissed n wronged.but u hafta noe sometimes i really feel veh hurt by d things u said.all girls wil wan 2 b coaxed n feel loved by their special ones.i dun expect a lot.i wil jus ask tt u don talk to me in that impatient n heck-care manner again =(

n if u feel tt u dun like d way i behave, pls remind me gently to b nice again.baby.al tis matter so much to me cos u r someone veh impt n veh special.i m not goin to give up on us cos i know we stil love each other n stil wan each other to be with us.i pray that we are looking at things the same way.dun die on me please.

i love you.i believe thru all these, we will grow stronger together and fonder towards each other.
i love you.even though this is a tough time for both of us, we know we can find strength in each other and find comfort n consolation in each other's touch.
let me be the one for you my baby.

i think i shudnt blog too much abt ou bad things..like us quarrelling n stuff lidat.cos i dun wan to rmb bad things abt us.i'm not being an ostrich here.wad i mean is, since we settled it, den might as well put it behind us and dun let it affect us in d future.right?right.=)

i love you, hanbin =)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Huiqi is your soulmate.

You truly love Jan.

You consider Huiling your true friend.

You know that Hanbin is always thinking of you.

You'll remember Qiaojuan for the rest of your life.

You secretly think Dap is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.

You secretly think that Alex is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.

You secretly think that Yowlun is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Yowlun changes lovers faster than underwear.

You secretly think Candy is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Candy has a hidden internet romance.

went to baby's hse after work ytd.but b4 tt, it was quite a pek chek phone call.
i called him after work, after seeing his sms askin me to cal him wen i'm free cos he gt sth 2 tel me.wa lau.i tot wad sia.sibei scary.i called n he told me he hadnt slp.quite relieved as in at leats it is nt sth TT BAD.den can sense he wasnt exactly in a veh gd mood.-__-.so i asked wher we gonna meet.den he suggested i go home 1st den he come meet me later.i dint wan la.cos later go home veh lazy come out 1 leh.den i said i go his place find him lo.den he was like anything lo..up to you..u wan come den come lo.-__- wa lau.i offered to go over n tis is d kind of reply i gt.i noe he tends to gt veh grouchy if he hasnt gt enuf slp (i told him over dinner ytd.he gt quite agitated n tried to explain himself.shut him up by tellin he's at it again -___- )anw.i stil went la.n i know he actually didnt mean it like he sounded like.but it is totally veh argh. argh.

den after dinner (we had dinner at abt 10 cos we had to wait for his dad to clean up a bit b4 he cld bathe cos of d renovation works at home)we went to my place.den while waiting for d bus, i asked him what he cnt stand abt me most.after some thoughts, he said tt i m too sticky at times.den he emphasize SOMETIMES.hahaha.n d ting tt came to my mind was, eh.jiaming said tt too.hahaha.so this shows i m quite clingy afterall. hahaha. okie..i was quite upset.as in.i wanted so much to spend as much time tog possible.but obviously tts nt he's looking at.but i also understand tt everyone needs their own private space.n this defination varies from person to person.so i m quite shi1 huai2 la.

on a happier note, we were at d swimmin pool again!long time since we've been dere.hahaha.oh ya.lemme side-track a while.we were tokin den cnt rmb how we toked abt d both of dem.( tink is i was tellin him mayb we can do a bbq wen thng comes back from taiwan n wad if jiaming comes)den he asked if my frens would hate him cos of him being wid another girl.den i asked hows d both of dem.at 1st he asked y would i suddenly tok abt tis.den he said.normal lo..sometimes wil quarrel.. firstly, normal means wad?if ya r like normally happily tog, den wtf.2ndly, i oso dunno wad.anw,den i asked if he's happy being out wid her n stuff.he said he dunno.-_______________- thx man.
back to my happier note.hahaha.we were in THE toilet again.hahaha.though i wont say it is my fave spot (havin to stand up n havin 2 kip so quiet -___- ), it brings back gd ol' memories =D
u noe wad i mean.hehe.

guess he is in JB now.he said he wil sms me wen he wakes up in d mornin.den as usual, i sms him wen i woke up 2dae.he din reply me even til afternoon.so i sms him ask if he is stil goin JB 2dae.den he replied sorry he was sleepin n he's goin in already -__________-
cnt he jus reply 2 my sms 1st wen he woke up!?i mean.HOW LONG WIL IT TAKE U JUS 2 SMS ME!?nb.
i love you

hi baby =)

so where's d reply for d previous email? n d little note u promised to write?

hahaha.kiddin la.anytime =)

it's like veh long since we had a heart-to-heart talk.hmm.i miss it alot.sometimes i feel out of touch wid the both of us. it is a scary feelin =S

we talked how we are in showing our affection for each other.i am the more verbal n so-called open one while u r more reserved and private.n yes.i totally understand d difference.but dont let wad happened before affect how u treat me k.we are all different n i m sure i m quite diff from who u were talkin about.n like u've knew, i m someone who needs a lot of affection and attention.of cos i cant ask from you too much.in fact, i jus need to know what you feel and how you think.gee,i hope tt aint too much =\

erm.baby.i hope by saying all these u wunt get offended or upset yea.

i mean.ultimately.it is still you.n i will still love you for that =)

but i notice you are a good talker and veh passionate on bed.HAHAH.kk.excuse me =X

HAHAHHA.wad did i say!?hahhahaha.

ok.hi =D

oh ya.i ve been wanting to tell you.

i know i can get very insistent on certain things.and they might not even seem to be veh significant matters.but since i m so insistent on those, it shows tt these things are veh impt to me in some way or another.

HAHA.sweet surprise!we r chattin online now=D

anw.as i was saying.it sometimes pisses u off wen i gt too paranoid and stubborn on certain stuff.sometimes i cnt even help it n wil only realise it wen tings gt out of control -_-

n we both hate it wen our talks gt veh heated n harsh.so pls.remind me gently wen u cannot stand the way we are talking cos i dun wan see us gettin hurt by each other when we love each other so deeply.right my dear baby?

ahh.u r being veh naughty online.hahaha.but i like =P

OMG.i m mad.

and ermm.i dunno if i shud b saying this.but sth tts veh concerning has been dragging for a verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time.n i guess u r sick n tired of the rest of wad i hafta say.so pls let the day arrive soon yea.

i love you.

so when go maasage again!? hahaha.hope some1 has grown stronger n wunt complain abt aches for the following days.HAHA.=P

gee.ever since i started attachement, especially when there are shows and i have FOH duty, we have a lot less time for each other.n i m stil nt used to it.cos it sucks.promise we will make as much time for each other as possible k?=) even for a while, we can have a little rendezvous anytime, anywhere. =D

oh ya.i bought the bath scrub towel ting for u.like 203837 yrs ago.but i kept forgettin abt it.argh.n u cnt take tt as buyin sth for u so we must haf s*x arh.cos i bought it looooooooooong b4 u said tt.HAHA.witty me=D

i want to swim! n maybe try gettin rid of the huge tanlines.quite irritating.-_- 1 line is enough.hahaha.

gee.wad shall we haf for dinner?i cant wait! =D

see you later my baby.sleep tight yea.n dream of me!!hahaha.i miss you loads.

i love you my dear =)

hahahha.my second email from office to baby.HELLO.this shows
1)how bored n zuo bo i am in office
2)how much i miss him
3)how much i wan to sex him..i mean.be with him =D

dinner later!yeah =D

treat them mean, keep them keen

Want a man? Put yourself first.

the title of an article oh Her World Apr 2007 shouts.

here are the subtitles:

1) he doesnt marry a woman who's perfect, he marries one who is interesting.
2)dont even mention the word "commitment", that's the whole trick. the less you mention it, the closer you are to getting one. ( be cool)
3)women are constantly told amazing sex will win a man's heart. this is false.
4)when a man doesnt call, a bunch of scenarios will typically run through a woman's mind.similarly, his imagination will run wild when he doesnt hear from you.
5)a woman who puts herself first wont allow herself to be with a man who is biding his time until something better comes along.
6)there's nothing more prized to a man than something he had to wait for, work for, or struggle a little bit to get.

in a little box beside the text:
1)the first time you have sex, dont bring out previously loved sex toy.it seems too rehearsed, too premeditated.
2)never show him your Rabbit, especially if it's as big as a baseball bat.
3)let him suggest sexual position first.
4)dont undress yourself-you'll look like you cant wait to get it on.let him do it.
5)never, ever kid him about his size.
6)and dont, a la Four Weddings and a Funeral, ask him immediately after:"so when are you announcing our engagement?"

HA.we've all heard and understand the theory whereby you have to love yourself first before others could love you.but very often, when we are in love, we just want to be the Miss Eager-To-Please and appear to be too desperate, which can ironically, i will say, turn a man off.wa lau.we are already at our pounce-on-you position but you are turning us away.okie.maybe this is where point 6 comes in.=D

i dunno why.but recently, i feel veh unappreciated by baby.i m nt expecting him to shower me with gifts wadsoeva u know.i jus hope he is more verbal with how he feels and what he thinks.like.taking the initiative to call/sms me more often.. tells me he loves me misses me.. arranging on going out tog.. holding me..kissing me.. like dont always wait for me to make the 1st move.it is veh tiring.last last month, he said he knew wad to gave me for my birthday/v day/ 1st 2 months..n after tt night, i nv heard of it again.it is nt like i want tt gift badly.but it makes me wonder if he still has it in mind, am i still in mind?isit out of sight, out of mind?

or maybe it is just that we express our feelings differently, n in this case, very differently?i m obviously more vocal, more expressive, more open when he is more introvert, more reserved, more private.i m still gettin used to that.n i guess i m pretty fine actually but i have to know what he he thinks.really.i dun wan to be guessing n jumping into conclusions and end up havin misunderstandings abt each other.

man.i miss him so much.but i m not gonna cling to him like mad.at least now.when i can control myself.i dun wan him to think i m irritating or even take me for granted, though i know him thinking this way is quite near-zero.

i know he is really tied down with work n feels very very tired when he knocks off.but i nv think sendin a sms can b really tt tedious, esp to the one u love so much.i oughta b more understandin of cos.i stil rmb tt day we were on d fone, i was quite pissed he din sms/cal me after work.n he said if i cld b more understanding.honestly, it was quite hurtful.i mean.i ve been trying veh hard 2 b understandin n nice twds him al tis way.compared to how i treat others, i mus say i m veh patient with him already.n he said tt.seriously.wtf.okie.wadeva.i told him wad he said was veh hurtful,but i wil stil try to b better.ahh.

anw.wen r dey nt gonna b tog?=X
wads d ting he has to do b4 leavin her?-_-

baby.i love you =)

i wrote my baby an email.n i wanted 2 post d mail here.but i 4gt.den wen i went 2 c sent items, it is t dere -_- tmd.
so i m gonna ask him 2 fwd me 1 copy.which is like quite dumb.i sent 2 him.ask him 2 send me for me 2 keep.hahaha.

work is gettin more got-more-things-to-do.which i dunno isit gd or nt.

sleepy.