like after 98368439 yrs, i finally have the balls to read their friendster profiles again.
and god.am i glad i did.

once again, i asked myself (and peipei, who is v unlucky having to hear me ranting about all these again), WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME/ THEM?!

seriously!she behaving and speaking like she is the most desirable woman around is gross and is such a mother fucking big turn off, i wanna puke the shit out of myself now!

and seeing the photos they took together she posted on friendster stil makes my hear wrench into a stupidly suicidal way.in a way, i am filled with not so much sadness but with disappointment and anger.like wtf.i seriously don't see where she is better than me.branded stuff?pls.tts so skin-deep and if i wan, i can afford them easily?looks?if u tel me she looks better, i frankly suggest eye surgery at any cost.jus go pls.and i cnt think of any way she is better!!ARGH!

i am really pissed ok!maybe this is me stooping to their lowly standards but i cnt help thinking what is wrong with myself, or rather, what's wrong with him!and i want to have the f balls 1 day to ask him why!this question is bothering me too much!

so he LOVES someone who thinks that being a bimbo is the best identity to take on?having the branded stuff while your guy is trying to carve sth out of his newly established career the way to show u care?flaunting your seemly meaningless and bimbotic lifestyle sth to b proud of?thinking she is THE woman for him?and what's wrong with him!does he really think that he loves her like he claims?does he really loves her after all that he had done behind her back?does he really thinks that she wld b there for him?!does he really think she is really that mf desirable!?wtf is wrong with him!

SERIOUSLY!one day i am so gonna get the answer for that question!

happy belated birthday to me!
i think i said the same thing to myself last year.cos i was having a splendid time for my birthday last year.but i am not too sure i can say the same thing for this year's.
(i am gonna read what i wrote last year this time later =\ )

no!i am not complaining about the celebration(s) i had for my birthday this year.i still have my beloved friends around.they even booked a hotel room for celebration.maybe they know i love to drink n hate to clear up.hahaha.but i just cant help wishing he was there at every celebrations i had.sharing the joy of turning 20, okie maybe not so much joy cos having the number 2 in front of ur age isnt tt fun after all, with me.sucks big time man.

but anw!i wanna give a big THANK YOU and a sweaty hug to all who rmb n wished me well.heart-felt gratitude.

honestly i wasnt v happy about my birthday this year actually.it seemed that there's nth to b happy about anyway.like, i am usually v happy on my birthday,it wld seem tt nth can spoil the day.but now it is more of like nth can brighten up d day?=\

frankly, hw much of me wished he was there to spend MY day of the year with me.it was all so sweet and lovely last year.

SAD!
but thanks to my all beloved friends.who stil stand by me after all this while.unlike him

i am talking to wilson online abt himself and dawn.

and somehow, what he is going through seem familiar.it is almost similar to what i've been going through myself.and somehow hearing my own thoughts from someone else whom i am not exactly close with feels weird.not a bad thing, i say.just that it is a very special kinda understanding.understanding each other, understanding myself.


i realised how inconsolable i appeared to my friends when they had to sit through my crying and whining everytime.and it makes the listeners not knowing what to do and then feeling awkward and uncomfortable.

not that i am feeling that way now.more of like cos i went through something the same,i could relate better.but my friends aren't exactly this way you see.

so i wanna thank my loving friends.even though it wasnt easy for them to understand my behavior. thanks my love.

happy wonderful 2008!

woots.how time flies.be it good or bad, every single event of 2007 made my year as it was!and i am thankful for every single of them,cos i am sure it is through all those things that i've grown, matured and hopefully blossomed into someone better=)

every year we will do a list of 3 new year resolutions we aim to accomplish.well, we hardly succeed. but at least we have a aim!so here is what i have for 2008!

1) to get the long-awaited driving license!
i have been dreaming of driving to wherever i want in the wee hours, not having to fight the crowd durin peak hours (i do enjoy lil bus rides when it is not those crazy hours),meeting my friends at far away places, not worrying about cab fares and not getting a cab, not having to ask my dad pick me up, making out in the car.OKIE, kidding but i wldnt mind.HAHAHA.
these are al only possible if my dad is gonna reward me by giving me a car=D woots!
last time, the forgotten time, i wish i would have my own car so that he can drive it too.and we can go anywhere we like anytime doing whatever we wish.and he likes to drive too.the good old days.hmm.i should stop being so nostalgic!

2)to gain more patience
i can foresee myself breaking this any time soon.i am doing pretty well for this so far cos i've been alone in the room most of the time today.and i am quite sick to be frustrated today.hahaha.
but i insist i am at least gonna try!
esp staying together in china for the past few months, i understand better that many things can't possibly go my way all the time.and i HAVE to give and take.apparently, i've been the taker most of the time-_- tsk tsk.so i should start doing something and be nice in this new year!i want, need and have to be nice!TSK!

3)to put the screwed relationship of the year behind me and get someone who only has eyes for me!
well, the most amazing that happened to me, i've to admit, is that i've met him and spent a short but wonderful time together.and of course, i never want to forget those memorable times with him.but i am really sick and tired of feeling upset over what he left me, or rather without leaving anything.ha.so!i wan to stand up on my own two feet again!i just long for an exclusive and fulfilling relationship and i thought it was easy.man, how wrong could i've been.so!i am hoping to come true, just for me=)

i think the 1st 2 are actually quite attainable, uh?HAHAHAHA.the 3rd one may take some time but like my 2nd resolution, i am gonna be patient with myself!

oh ya.he hasnt msg me anything to wish me a happy new year.the more sure i am now that what he told me abt the xmas msg is just another big fat lie he told me
great.
=)

happy new year my loved ones.