HI!

it is my first day of attachment 2dae.at Toy Factory.quite slack for a working day.but since it is my 1st day, quite expected la.but seeing everyone so busy n me so dunno wad 2 do, i feel f lost n blur and knowing i wil b doin quite a bit in d near future yet i m nt sure wad to do, tts scary u know =S

d ppl dere seem nice 2=) friendly n helpful. but i bear in mind wad my baby told me las night abt working outside though.

n i miss my baby so much =S

i tink it is such a habit to wakeup anytime i wan n scheduling my day in any way i want.i mean, i ve been slackin from skl for 1 mth plus n i haven been workin for quite a while.so imagine i usually wake up at lunch hour.n now i hafta wake up at 7 -_- now i can really feel d sian-ness wen my baby has to work.=D

n previously, i arrange my time around my baby's schedule.as in.i wilkeep myself free when he is free n things lidat.like i can meet him anytime he wants.n i m so easily used to that cos i wld wan 2 see him anytime.n even till now, it is stil d same feelin.but apparently i cnt cos i hafta report for work -_- and tis totally suck.i miss him so much it saddens me =(

n he has to report for OPS every 1st off-day every wk cos his colleague leaked out some confidential info n tis is sorta a punishment.n anw, d best part is tt guy need nt report for OPS cos he cnt carry arms wid him.WTF.tis is d kinda ultimate punishment.whereby ur mates get punished for ur mistakes n tis is suppose 2 make u feel super guilty.but baby says he is nt -_-
NB CB.

seriously.like wtf.i can already see us spending a lot less time tog n tis have to come on top of my attachment.my gwad.i am already feelin like crying. =(
like d only time i can really spend time with my baby is NEXT YEAR.CCB.n by then, he will already be workin and/or studyin la.FFFFFFFFFFFFFF. =((

BABY.i miss you.okie.u r gettin sick of hearin tt =(
okie.i nv ended so many questions wid so many =(s.

promise we will make time for each other ok?

we went for maasage ytd.ay chinatown.N NT THOSE WID EXTRA SERVICE, MiND YOU.hahaha.i tot i shud take down all his aliments down in a notebook so i cn rmb what d massuer said abt him.i cnt reali depend in my memory to serve me well recently.-_-

we talked abt it last night. seriously, i cldnt help feelin really veh upset even though it was jus a phone call or sms from her.he asked me wad happened after d phone call, n i found it so hard to even gif him a smile n tel him i m fine.cos i cld already feel tears welling up in my eyes.n i cnt understand y he cldnt jus tel me he is already havin plans wid her wen i asked if we cld go out today.n y he cnt ans my calls in front of her while it seems to him wunt mind him answering her calls n sms in fornt of me.does tt means he cnt bear 2 'hurt' her while i shud b alright wid al tis f shit?i noe he cld sense tt i m veh upset abt tis whole ting.cos thur out the phone callS, he wld hold me tighter, n i wonder isit out of guilt or concern.he drew a heart in my palm n asked me to keep it well.i want to.i want it to be mine only.i dun care if i m being selfish or wadsoeva.cos love is selfish n exclusive.i wil nv wan to share my baby wid anyone.

he told me even though it might sound selfish, i am his property and wants me to serve him forever

haha.i tink tis might sound really dumb.but i feel really glad when he told me this.mayb cos tis shows he really loves me n wants me.n i feel good abt tt.he said he din like me to dance/behave so wildly in clubs like i do.i told him i enjoyed doing tt for myself n nt hor show or anytin along tt line.but ya.mayb i shudnt b.at least in front of him.wad wld other think of him?kkk.i wil behave =) like i said, anything for my baby.

oh.before i 4gt.we went cafe del maor..alamk dunno how 2 spell..wid his frens ytd.nt those wild party kind though his fren said it it was pretty high wen he was dere for an event previously.but i tink it is really a cool place to hang out.hope d plan 2 go dere for ong's bd is still on.=D

recently, i guess i m being more vocal wid how i feel abt him n her. i even told him i dun wan him to go out wid her anymore and i dun wan him to b wid her anymore. i alwas tink honesty is the way, butif doesnt wan to hear these anymore, he can tell me.i jus wan him to know i m havin enough with all tis rubbish.

he promised me he will come over tonight.he said it's been veh long since we last chatted by the poolside.n i've been tinkin abt tt recently.hahaha.

i really hope he still rmbs clearly what he promised n told me.pls let all these end really soon.i m burning out.

i love you my baby.

PHEW YO!

ytd zouk wid vig n jeekeng.jan was dere oso.wid weixuan noreen n janet.den jiaming came.ANW.it was so fun!=D

of cos my baby was there also.he din stay wid his frens n i tot i wld go find him instead.but he stick wid me n my frens.my baby =)

CLUBBIN FACES.HAPPY FACES =DD

jiaming said hi.n i jus hi back.he offered me 2 drink.i rejected at 1st.he sorta insisted.n jan was lookin at me also.wa lau.sibei stressed.so jus sip.OKIE LA.i veh hum ji.i c both of dem tog i cnt dun care.actually c dem tog like quite happy.n i feel happy(but nt veh happy)for tan.okie la.if she is happy, i wil b happy for her.

on d way back home, i started crying again.omg.nowadays if i gt 2 high/drunk i wil cry leh.f.lose standard liao.anw.i realised wen i gt f high/drunk, i gt d balls to say anitin i wunt dare to sae wen i m sober.i told him a lot of stuff i guess,considering i cnt reali rmb much wen i m nt veh awake.i rmb saying i duncare if others tink i m stupid or wad cos i love n only care abt him.n tings like i haven been veh considerate to how he's been feelin.

n i dunno wad kinda logic it is.jus cos i cnt rmb wad i sae, he tinks i m lying.nv hear b4 tt ppl speak d truth wen dey r drunk?wad i said r f truth.i only sae those wen i m high/drunk cos it is d only time i gt balls to sae wad i said.-__-.baby.

kkk.sleepy.i love you baby =)

we quarrelled.n it's d worst of all.we talked a lot..i was veh tenperamental and attitude.at least tts wad he said.he was veh angry and shouting at me.he even said that he tot of leavin me though it's cos he loves me and dun wan me to suffer cos of him.im veh scared and upset.

okie.tts wad i sms jan.i dun wan 2 b tinkin ok wad happened again.it is stil painful.

i felt he didnt care and he wad angry that i tink he doesnt care.

i was really veh scared and upset, although i was rather angry and tink i dun deserve to b treated the way he was treating me.no 1 shouted at me like he did before.=(
but he did apologised for shouting at me, for being so harsh to me, for scaring me.
i dun like that.

he asked y i m becoming like that.he asked if tis is d real me.wen he asked those questions, i felt really hurt cos it was like he was doubting me even though he denied doing so.he even said i was selfish for doing all those to him, saying he dun care n tings lidat.

i guess i ve been too selfish n inconsiderate towards him then.i noe it is nt ez for him but neither isit ez for me.but prolly i nv really feel how difficult isit for him really.although deep inside i tink i dun quite deserve al tis shit, but cos i love him (n might have been showing it the wrong way) i dun wan to let go.i prayed for strength n wisdom to pull thru tis.n his presence with me thru out everytin wil b vital.god, i pray tt everytin wil b over real soon.i m exhuasted.but i will make it =)

but d ting tt affects me most.okie.mayb nt so kua zhang.is tt he tot of leaving me.even though it's cos he loves me n dun wan me to suffer cos of him.but i m stil angry tt he even tot of tt.baby.u noe goin seperate ways is really the last ting i have in mind no matter what happens.pls dun even tink abt it anymore.

i promised him i wunt ask anytin abt him n her already.i sorta regret now.cos of cos i wan to know right?!n i tink i haf d rights too.but since we always quarrel cos of tis, den i rather not take d risk.though i can foresee myself burstin.hahaha.either into questions or tears.we'll see.=)

KKK.put al the bad tings behind us okie?cos we dont have eyes on our backs. =)

i love you baby.though i said tis b4 today, i relaly hope tis is d last time we wil b quarrelling over tis.

KKK.tmr zouk-ing!yeah!it is been veh long i really club hard.as in really hard like i did.wa lau.d good ol' days.hahaha.n tmr is wid jan VIG N JEEKENG leh!wa lau.dunno since wen sae wan tog until tmr finally sia!so tmr if either of us cnt make it i wil b veh sad =( n i haf enuf sadness to last a lifetime so i dun nid anymore.hahhaha.so excited!=D

kns.he gt d boys' diesease.gt video games dun wan girlfriend.f.

=D

baby is at work.

man.how i miss him.i dun wan to sound veh clingy wadsoeva.but i sometimes really gt tis veh strong desire to b with him like ALL THE TIME.i noe he wil gt sick of me real soon like that n tts d end.rubbish leh me.

i am tinkin.i dun wan 2 b d 1 wanting to leave this relationship.cos i wil look like a f hypocrite then, considering all the things i say now.but if he is d 1 wantin to go 1st, i tink i wil b devastated.really.i cnt imagine.tt day he suddenly ask if we wil break up.i dun wan to say never cos i noe nth is for sure but i dun wan to tink tt we will one day go seperate ways.ahh!i hate it wen he askes things lidat.it is like preparing me for tt day.i dun wan =(

like.b4 we r tog, i owas tot tt forever is sth stupid n unattainable.okie.nt saying i can see forever now( in any relationships i share with anybody, nt only with him), but at least i hope things can stay like this for a good long time.i m nt like before, alwas lookin for changes and novelty.like, i wil wan to stay wid him for as long as we can =)

n oh ya.tan told me kw stil kips d break up letter i gave him in his wallet.till now.my gwad la.like i cnt even rmb wad i wrote.i feel veh bad.mayb i ve reali hurt him veh bad.f.i m sorry =(

n oh ya ya!tan is wid jiaming oredi.i told baby.he said veh shockin meh?
yaya.true.it is nt veh shockin, considering dey had been DATING piror to being together 'offcially'.but it is to me stil veh shocking.like it is jus diff dey r tog n jus dating.i feel weird.n i cant imagine nex time we go out tog.as d whole grp.but then again.i guess it prolly wunt happen.considering how much we dun like him.i tink i might even jus walk away.my gwad.eeks.

n flea was tokin to abt him.n askin me questions tt almos or mayb even a bit shook my love for him.n i feel veh bad for tt.i shudnt.so pls baby.tell me al d shit is gone soon.d only ting lackin is ur assurance in tt part.=(

i miss you so.

hi baby.babies =D

i have seen him for the past 4 solid days.monday we went sofra.tues we went QJ's hse for steamboat.wed we met a while at his place b4 i went bugis 2 mit flea den he came over to my place at night.thurs we woke up tog.swam tog.bathed tog.man.how i wish everyday would b like that.him being the 1st person i see when i wake up in d mornin.him being the 1 i kiss goodnight and good morning.scrubing his body clean durin baths.or even mayb makin meals, makin bed, makin love (HEHE) for him everyday.man.isnt tt nice?=)

bad eyesore.stil rmb my sister owas had tis problem wen we were young.like havin tis pus swell at her eyelids.n now it is my turn.n baby asked me to put toothpaste to soothe it.but i put tiger balm n he omos went mad.hahahah.so cute.my baby loves me.

was out wid huiqi jus now.n baby called 17.i repeat.17 times.n i didnt hear my fone as it was in my bag n the restaurant was really noisy. he wanted to come meet me so he called to ask where was i.i dint answer the fone so he went home.n inferring from the time i called back n the time of the last missed call, he jus got home wen i called back.ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff.

huiqi asked isit like i must see him EVERYDAY.of cos i dun mind tt =)
but it was like..he was so near n wanted to come meet me but jus cos i didnt ans the fone, he went home n we cldnt meet =(
n he was wid winnie before that.n i feel the need more to meet him when he jus met her.i dunno why.mayb i wan to erase tt part of his memory asap.
I AM SORRY.n i feel even worse when i rmb tt cos i 4gt to bring my IC last night, we cldnt watch the M18 show (300).argh.fark me.

n he is goin back to work tmr.hahaha.it seems as if he hasnt work for veh long.

OHH!he said he wld get me my birthday/ v day/ 1st mth present nex month (which is this month) when he gt his pay.i mean.i am nt being materialistic here, yearning for an expensive present from him.but it is gonna b a veh pleasant surprise for me from him!

n it is like veh long since i met up wid jan n ong tog.man =(

n donna n i were tokin abt girls hu see their boyfrens as more impt than their own good ol' girlfrens when they are attached.she said tis kinda girls wld ultimately suffer cos it wil be the girlfrens who will b dere always for dem.well, food for thought.

okie.i wan to sleep.i wan to wake up in time to go down help donna tmr.

nights my babies.i love you hanbin.u asked me y i love you.i guess there are so many reasons tt i need quite some time to organise them. again, i love you =)

dont throw me away.

time crawls by whenever i know u r not with me.fully.
i might b tinkin 2 much.but images of ya havin sex or even kissing make me wanna cry =(
EVEN HOLDING HANDS R NT ACCEPTABLE.n i can already c ya doing it.wtf.

someone jus fark me now.pls.

baby.i miss you so much.when my aunt asked "eh.2dae gt no police escort u arh?", all i cld do was to fake a laugh n said u were busy.n immd i cld c ya bz wid each other.HI.

i tink it is either i m 2 stupid or 2 kind to b so understanding n accomodating twd d relationship btwn d both of u.it is nt as if i wan u 2 thank me or treat me extra nice jus cos of tis, but i sometimes wonder what gave me d strength to tolerate n accept all these coming.i was watching d taiwan sitcom jus now n i dunno is it fate but dey were tokin abt two-timing (n i m nt tryin 2 sae u r 2 timing me.though technically, yes). n 1 character said if a person can stand his/her partner 2 timing him/her, it mus b cos he/she LOVES him/her so so so much. yes.i love you so much.but i dun wan 2 tolerate tis jus cos of my love for u.i dunno if i brought it across clearly but u noe wad i mean.

fark.dunno y i am tinkin in tis manner.if u ever see this post, pls dun get angery wid me.or even yourself.cos i nv blame u for anitin.NEVER.

okie. 1 more day.at least tts wad tan tells me too.but i said,yaya.tts y now or never wad.=S

mayb i shudnt b such a nice person afterall.cos being nice to others translates to being cruel to oneself.

BABY.CAN YOU COME BACK NOW?=(

=（

i miss you my baby.

yes.it is her birthday and u have to b at d chalet.n u told me it is gonna b after her bd, though u said "a few weeks later". yes yes,i trust you like you trust me.

pls b back soon.i cnt wait to b in ur arms again.

n actually i dun really understand y u hafta 2 b so discreet wen i call/sms u.it is nt as if she doesnt haf a single clue abt u havin anuder me.=S

baby.i wan you back.and never go back again please.