u r makin me feel IRKED

he told me
"... i mean.some part of me doesnt exactly want to let you go but i guess thats the best way out"
den i said..if i tel i dun liek u at al nw,i wil b lying but i dun wan us 2 continue lidat u noe.
den he started rattering abt him nt ready for a relationship..i wil find sum1 betta..he's 2 wild 4 him..den i said diff ppl gt diff definition of being wild hahah.n he stil tinks i like him 4 his looks.well,tts undeniable but it is certainly nt all la.n i told him tt b4.wtf.
den i told him i wunt expect my relationship wid a guy 2 b super long n steady.den he said tts our diff whereby i jus wan mere companionship n if he supposedly steps into a relationship he wil wan it to last or at least try 2 attain tt.den i was tinkin la.tts quite contradicting to wad he said.as inl.him being a player n too wild 4 me.but i jus kept tt part 2 myself.he doenst hafta explain 2 me 2 much.

hai.i dunno y he had 2 tel me al tis.dawn n hl tink tt cos i m nt like feelin upset n "beggin" him 2 take me back,it is like veh unexpected n he mite b accept tis.mayb he wans me 2 crawl back 2 him.but of cos i wunt stoop so low.but if he is reali sincere n dun haf any other agenda (read:sex),mayb we can try it out la.MAYBE.anw it mite b 2 early 2 sae anitin nw.

if he reali doesnt wan me 2 go, y did he tel me al d tings he said?
if he reali doesnt wan me 2 go, y did he let go?
if he reali doesnt wan me 2 go, y cant i stay?

i dunno y but he is like worried/scared/concern hw i am nw.as in.he siad he is surprised.he said seems tt i m coping wid it quite fine.tings lidat.omg.does he expect me 2 cry my balls out?am i suppose 2 go kill myself nw?or am i suppose 2 beg him 2 come back 2 me?(anw.i m tellin tan..am i suppose 2 beg him to f me.hahaha.i dun tink i even hafta beg man.hahaha)he even asked if i wan go his hse nw.hello.mad arh.i jus ignored tt question.dun even noe if he is jokin or wad.u tink i crazy nt scared die go ur hse nw ah.madness.

like gt nth 2 sae 2 him sia.i dunno isit i ownself make tings weird or i reali gt nth 2 sae anymore.he is bcumin quite pompous 2.quite weird.i dunno.hope jus me tinkin 2 much.aiya.tis is crazy.mayb our relationship was reali physical so we gt nth much 2 sae 2 each other.

to bcome frens from lovers (okie.we werent EXACTLY lovers) aint tt easy afterall.

tings wil turun out betta yea? =)

241006

well.it is al over.i shud haf known better.i tink i said tis b4 in d previous entry.did i?

anw.we r stil on sms-in term.

"... Well,anyway,im glad that you think everything's over. im sure you wil find someone better."
den i said sth..isnt tt gd.at least it is nt gonna b difficult 4 u.

"ha.why would u say that?i mean..lets jus say. im not as promiscuous as you think i am la.heh"
i said sth like..at least im nt pestering him.wunt tt b veh irritating

"to begin with,i've never ever thought that you actually pester me. it's just that you're too into me and it's (not) exactly a good thing either.well. lets not talk bout it since it's over.."

".... or maybe it is just me"
i said sth.. hahah.we were just goin at diff directions la.quite surprised at myself though.hahha

"yeah.im surprised at it too.well.we're stil friends.so dont worry yea..."

surprise surprise.i m quite amazed i cn b so calm n indifferent abt it.at least after i tot abt it la.i mean.i gave in so much.n i can withdraw so fast.may jus cos i dun like him so much as i tot.sumtimes wen u r 2 into sth,u reali can lose urself n haf illusions abt hw u feel or even wad u c.wen u r out of it,b surprised tt u r nt feelin hw u tot u felt at tt time.it may b a gd ting u c.cos afterall it is over n shudnt b dwellin in it anymore.gt out of it n move on baby.tts life.accept it n go wid it.

he asked if i stil wan mit him.i said y nt.
he wil nw ask if i received his sms if he doesnt receive a reply.man.it is a bit 2 late 2 show u care if i care rite.
we r stil frens.=)

221006

he told me.he doesnt love me actually.he doesnt haf the special feelins for me.
he said he has a galfren.den he said he was kiddin.
so many tings he said.i dunno which is true.which are jus sheer lies.
so all along, wad he told me abt loving me n such were all rubbish n i was stupid enuf to believe?n it is reali dumb of me.i ve been warned by many abt guys like him.foolishly i still fall for it.

our first movie =) 191006

jus watched d movie Guardian wid jiaming n janice.n ashton kutcher is hot.=D..

yeah.our 1st movie.hahah.i dunj quite care wad show but cos it is wid him.but s show itself is nice la.i stil gt watch okie!=D

on d wae home,he told me he cnt commit himself.at least 4 now.n i omos cried sia.didnt expect myself 2 react so strongly.but i understand la.like he said, we nid more time n it wil b 2 soon if we r tog nw.but he promised he wunt walk awae(at least nw la).i noe he wunt but i jus gt tis unknown sense of scaredness n slight insecurity.i wan 2 trust him more.god tel me how.

n i omos died wen i had 2 gt out of d car jus nw.n i didnt wan 2 bathe cos his smell lingers n i dun wan 2 lose it.hahhaha.

i love u baby.i hope wad u told me r nth but d truth.i m fallin deeper than i can imagine.if i were to lose u even b4 i can haf u,i dunno wad wil happen.i dun wan u 2 b pressurized into tis cos i m sure it wil rebound if u r.baby,i wan 2 b urs.

tell me i am more than that

baby.dun tel me it is gonna b d end of us.cos we haven even started n i dun wan us to die prematurely.we know hw we feel for each other.but cos we r afraid we cnt gif each other wad we wan,we r hesistant 2 commit.u said u dun wan tings 2 b jus idling dere.n i dun wan us to stay tis way for long.i wan us 2 belong 2 each other.i m falling for u so pls dun tel me we r jus flings.i noe it might b difficult 2 ask u 2 settle 4 me.but i noe u can change.for me pls?i love u=)

141006

omg.wtf.wad a dae was ytd.

okie.i went zouk wid vanessa on wed.wth sia.tt rocky guy was dere n he saw me.sian half.-_-
anw.jiaming.hahaha.#$%^%$#$%.tt refers to d tings we did in d dance floor.u noe wad la huh.
den he offered 2 send me home.but of cos we didnt go home straight la.omg.we went 2 east coast park.OMG.okie.we made out in d car (!!!!). hahaha.

i also gt d shock of my life myself.but d best is yet to come.hahaha

i jus went 2 his hse on fri.which is 2 daes after we met.wa lau!his grandma at hm leh!den wen we were *ahem*ing, grandma knocked on d door n sae wan take tings.i omos died of shock la!wen i was leavin,d whole family like outside at d living room la.OMG.stress bo!f la.

but d best is.he told me b4 i went.cos i was quite worried if they wil mind nt.he said..wunt la.dey r used to it already.wtf!even though it is nt unexpected,he mus haf brought abt 1836283047 girls home b4 me.he sae.he brought home abt 1 million girls back.i m d 1000001th n d last one.hahhaha.if onli it can b true.
omg.n he wanted us 2 haf sex.wtf.i scared.cnt.

he told me he likes me.n wan us 2 b tog.he himself noes it is too soon la.he dun wan me 2 regret in anitin n jump into it cos of sheer infatuation.i understand la.but to me it is veh feeling-based.as in,it is the CHEMISTRY.hahah.of cos ppl wil sae ya shud noe each other better b4 anitin else.1stly,noein d person more means noein his flaws more.which can destroy everytin else.mayb tt wil b deceivin oneself but mayb i jus wan 2 kip it nice.2ndly,we r oredi goin in d wrong direction oredi wad.which 2 persons hu like each other started off by gettin intimate wid each other.i tink tts s problem wen u noe guys at such places.d relationship gets very physical easily.which i dun wan us to end up wid.i told him tt.he n saes he respects me.hahahah.i like him la.but his past records r sth i might b able to stand if he stil continues 2 b lidat.he said he wunt.but old habits die hard rite.he asked me y i wunt trust him more.hello.difficult leh.i m scared.wad if cos i cnt gif him sex he go find other girls?=S
although i dun reali noe him,i tink he is nice.veh real.veh straight.n he seems 2 b quite can tok wid tannie.tts a big big bonus.

how huh?i like him.but i m scared.

holidays endin soon.shit.

man.skl is startin soon leh.shit sia.f fast.though it has been 7 wks.thanks 2 huiqi for remindin me.or else i tot d hols onli lasted for a wk.hahaha.tmd.

read qj's blog.f sia.dammit.cnt copy n paste.wait i try 2 memorise n type here.knn.
mentioned abt winnie managed to HOOK two guys.birthdae girl (caron)manage to GOT HOOK by a not bad guy or sth(anw tis guy looks a bit like damien.hahahah).i rejected some guy(wadeva la).yl manage to HOOK this girl from nafa.
she sae she herslef cnt imagine dancing with strangers.and their hands ard her waist.which means she did not HOOK or got HOOKED.

WTF.FTW.KNN.CB.

1)f.hook?u tink go fishin arh.knn.hook like so prostitute-ly la.if u r 1,nt make me 1 too ok.hook.f sia.
2)tmd.sae we lidat lidat lidat.u lidat lidat.tryin 2 show hw "decent", "pure", "innocent" and "noble" u r?wah wah wah.ya.angel lo.angels dun go clubbin k.angels stay in heaven 2 wipe god's ass n suck his shit out of d hole ho.
3)knn.u dunno yl gt gf arh?!stil put tt on ur blog.wad if d gf c?!heloo!use ur brain can.
4)wa lau.ur english make me veh bth sia.tuition teacher.man.lucky las time my tuition teachers stil nt bad.
5)ong saw d entry.hahaha.so she asked"wads wrong wid nafa gers!?knn"hahhaha.zai ta de lian li mian.hahahhaha.

WAH WAH WAH.sibei bu shuang.

zouk again tmr.wa lau.hols endin leh!winnie stil ask me ask dem.sian half.but she cnt go cos she gt tuition.phew.=X
hahahaha.

n oh ya.dey sae wan go mos cos it is more classy dere.hahaha.wtf.CLUBBIN leh!partyin leh!class si mi!??!class!?wads d use of tt wen everybody wil jus drink n start f each other?=S
lame.
okie.mayb nt f each other la.but sumwher dere.=D

man.i nid new clubbin partners.

ryan jus sms me
nt d cambodia 1 la.though i feel sry 4 him.cos i m such a bitch 2 him.shit man.
anw.is tt ryan la.n i cnt believe d happy feelin i gt weneva i gt a sms from him.it is jus those fwd kinda sms la.a bit insincere though.but it is sth from him.n it is nice ok!n i replied him...okie.thanks.nites.miss u.

hahaha!n i told dawn,n dawn like gt d shcok of her life.aiya.for me, it is okie la.i jus nid 2 let it out.if i feel sth n dun sae it out,i wil prolly explode cos of it.which is nt gd 4 d body rite.hahhahaha.sumore i was tellin d truth.i miss him wad.hahahha.

n i tink i noticed sth.see.maybe it is cos he is d 1st guy i m so intimate wid,i feel attached 2 him.as in, i see him as some1 special/different from d others.i dun feel obligated to stay faithful 2 him(like wtf.imagine i am reali faithful to him.i tink i wil jus die cos he is so indifferent nw.or mayb die from d lack of *ahem* pleasure.hahah).cos women USUALLY gt intimate wid guys dey HAVE oredi fallen in love wid.but in his case,i might have started at d wrong end."Sex" den feelins.hahahaha.

but hu cares.rmb my motto.or wadeva i referred tt as.=)

women in love

women in love are out of their minds.or i shud sae have lost their minds. reali.

which is nt veh gd.cos u nv noe wen d guy gonna leave u.by then,u wil b alone.n if u haf ordi lost urself b4 u lost him,den hw r u gonna live after u lost him?does it mean u can go kill urself after he left u?of cos nt rite.we r all individuals n we nid nt depend on others 2 live wad.okie.mayb i sound 2 over-serious.but d logic is dere wad.hahahahah.

n worse if u r nt even wid d guy n u r oredi so obeyin him n such.like wtf.wad if tings suaylyly don work out?omfg.i cnt imagine tt.

n oh ya.my latest aim in life.hahhaa.is to play ard wid guys..like hw dey do it 2 girls.hahahah.as in.i tink since i gt d youth nw 2 choose,i dun hafta 2 b 2 quick 2 make my choice.anw dere isnt much 2 choose from which is quite sad la.hahhaha.ANW "play dere end dere"
yowlun's n mine n many ppl's motto. =D





look at tanny's hair!nice sia!=D
n i jus dyed my hair.wtf.nobody noticed at demselves.i hafta open my mouth n tel dem.n considering hw much i spent on it, tts quite sad.abt 190 leh.knn.n i m gonna rebond my hair wen i gt d pay from d citibank job.hahhaha.yeah!