We are like two boats in the sea, without an anchor to keep us steady. As the currents grow stronger, we drift apart, sometimes without even ourselves knowing. Maybe when the sea is calm, we might draw closer to each other. However, the distance we cover probably will not be enough to make up for the distance we travelled when the sea is rough. So many times we tried to pretend the distance never matter, only to be disappointed by the lies we told ourselves. When i thought you finally understand that ths boat is made of paper, only able to sustain itself a brief moment in the ever-changing weather, you shock me awake when I see you letting me drown.

Tell me this is all a nightmare. Because, i still love you.

is it suppose to be this way?

countless times, i feel that i have lost myself so much in this relationship. time after time, i find myself admitting to mistakes i think i haven't commited, apologizing to things i am not sorry about, just to please you and eliminate the tension between us. yes, you don't force me into it, but there don't seem to be another choice anyway. even when it is you misuderstanding my intention, or just that it really seems to be your bad, i am still the one being accused of spoiling the mood and causing all the unhappiness. i don't mind saying sorry if it is really my fault (which seems like all the times), or occasionally just to move away from the gloom. but when it is like always me taking the initiative to speak first, it is inevitatble that i will get sick and tired of it. i feel so under-appreciated and emotionally drained.

i thought asking for a boyfriend, who will be there when i need him wasn't too much. then i learned that we all need our own private space, and i know i was wrong for being so dependent on you. now, i don't ask of you to be with me physically all the time.i myself have also realised that we don't squabble as much when we do have time to ourselves and our own friends. i only wish for you able to understand me and not having bias perceptions about me. i feel that whatever i say seem to have a hidden agenda to you.you don't trust me.no matter how much you assure me that you do. whenevr i feel like telling you how i feel, i will keep having this fear in me. fear of stepping on your toes and making you angry, leading to a evil circle of me apologizing for nothng and making me feel that you take me for granted.

you used to make me feel so loved, so confident of myself, so happy. but now, these feelings only come once in a while. other than that, i only feel that i am living under your control and unable to feel myself. i miss those happy times, when i thought i was the happiest girl because i have you. you said you want to make me happy and never want to leave me. but look at what are we now. the things you said to me never seems to occur to you that they are actually very hurting. i don't know why i subject myself to your piercing words, when no one else have told me anything what you said before. the way you treat me depends on your mood, and i never know if you will turn against me the next second. i constantly have to worry if i have said the wrong thing which will upset you. this makes me very tired and helpless.is this the way you love me?

i don't want to let go of this relationship.i still love you.but i don't know how to continue.