hello

suddenly the trip to china seems to near!esp after the *&^%$%^& final report and presentation.and it seems scary.while others might be really excited and looking forward to going over, it's still difficult for me to be even happy about it and when people talk about it in an excited manner, it sorta piss me off.don't ask me why.

and my friends are arranging to meet me before i go over.even kaiwen asked me out for a dinner.which i find quite surprising but think he hasn't really changed when he asked me to decide where to go.haha.but maybe he is just nice letting me decide where to go.

but the thing i see is.or rather don't see.is why he seem to be able to remain so indifferent about my leaving.we haven't contact since he came back from Phuket.and even that time, there wasn't much talking.i could feel that we've drifted apart and the bond we once shared so dearly has been weakened so drastically, it upsets me a lot.to think we are already so distant while i am still here, i don't want to think what things are gonna be like when i am gone.and it pains me so much to see us end up in this state.once, we could share everything we have in mind whenever we could.now, i have so much to say to you but nothing comes out.firstly, i am so afraid of your half-hearted replies cos i know they would only hurt me more.secondly, you seem so uninterested in my affairs, unlike before.thirdly, the distance between us seem to be expanding, no matter how much i want us to be closer.

and it's gonna be 24th again.how much i hate this day.without you.it reminds me how happy we could still be.it reminds me how happy you are now without me.don't tell me you are not.cos apparently you are.

i miss you so much, baby.i know things are and can never be the same.but i still reminisce the short-lived and beautiful part of our lives we spent together.in each others' arms and loving kisses.

i love you, though i dunno how.