i thought i could see us both from a different light already.we could just settle as being being friends, platonic friends.we could care for each other like how any other normal friends could.couldn't we?

apparently, i couldn't.

i began to know i can't see things as i wish when i knew we both felt bitter when we respectively had fun with other partners in phuture/zouk. but again, i thought i could just let it pass without leaving a mark.

when we came home together after zouk that night, i knew i couldn't do it anymore.i came to be honest with myself.i know it would be a damn long time before i can really see you just as another friend.in fact, i don't want us to be just that, actually.i hate the fact that we can only remain as friends, despite how much i love you and how much/ little you loved me.

we did things we shouldn't have done that night.and it is easy to tell it was only lust that we were after.no feelings involved, at least from your side.

i (finally) asked why did you chose her over me.i cringed when you said it is the feeling you have for her.what when she feels upset, you feel the pain for her and when she is happy it puts a smile on your face whatsoever.honestly, i never thought something like that would have came out from the same lips that used to kissed me so such passion and love.

as usual, i can't really remember much under the influence of alcohol. most of the things are just a blurred vision now.probably this is a good thing since i have been wanting very much to put that screwed relationship behind me for good. oh ya.i remember he saying that he would be there for me till the day he dies.when my friends tell me such promises, i usually trust them without hesitation. but for him, despite this not the first time he tells me things like that, i seem to have all the reason to have my doubt to his words. apparently actions speak louder than words when at many occasions, what he had done contradict what he promised.

oh well.wish me luck in doing whatever my heart tells me to=)