HEY =)

long time no email! and where's d reply u promised huh! =D

and! the birthday present.if i rmb correctly, my birthday's in jan leh.HAHAHA.

gee.actually i jus need sth from you that i can keep with me.=) and do i look very greedy to ask for a present=S
hahaha.but it's really okie if u cant.i was just thinking of sth physically present to have.=)

AIYO.nvm.i feel so weird to ask for sth lidat.=D

ytd i was at d clinic.den gt this indian guy using the same perfume as you leh=D so funny.

i used to urge you to check your mailbox whenever i sent u an email.haha.let's see when will you ever chance upon this mail when i won't be telling you.

i read one of d emails i sent u before.it's a weird feeling reading what i wrote.hahah.as in.i always find it weird to read what i wrote before.and especially for that email. =D

just came back from lunch =D

and i just realised my colleague Bryan, if u rmb who, smells similar to you!=D n if u have forgotten, i always think he's quite 'gay' =P

gee.i suddenly rmb what you told me on the phone about making you regret knowing me and you not caring about me anymore.hmm.i dunno ifyou really mean, but it's still as piercing to me.tts sth really not really nice to say to someone actually.and i guess u must had said it 'cos u were really provoked and agitated.hmm.okie.i really hope u didnt mean it though.it must be 'cos i said tt really pushed you too hard so u said those things to shut me up.hahaha.so we won't take those angry words we exchanged in a heat of moment to heart right.unless u meant what you said la -_-

i am alone in the office again! yeah=D

i am having this urge to call you badly.but i know it is a very bad time to do so.since u r out.i miss you.

thinking back, it was such a luxury to talk to and hold you whenever i wanted.

and Buttons is on the radio now.though it is not a sentimental song, at all, it still very much reminds me of you 'cos i can still rmb u telling me how it reminded you of me in Zouk tt day.so funny.hahahaha.

and now this irritating classmate trying to tell me how busy she's in SPH.eh!whatever la.she really thinks she's tt indisposable.-_- WHATEVER LA.

hmm.i am still reading the book i borrowed from Janice.hahaha.and it is still very emotional and sorta inspiring to read it actually.

wow.can u believe it i am writing this email since late morning till now?which is abt 4.49pm.hahah.

gee.i really wonder when u'll see this email.i jus have this feeling that i am sending this message in a glass bottle out to the sea, not knowing when it will reach its recipient.hahaha.=D

i am clearing my phone a bit.n recently i found out that nokia gt tis software system where u can transfer sms in your phone to your com.=D so at least i won't lose what you told me al this while even if they are cleared from my phone.'cos you know how unreliable my memory is.=D

eeks.u know how my migranes are working up tis few days.then i was thinking, what if i am like the Gerry guy in thoe storybook and has a brain tumour.=D then i would have to start writing letters for ppl to read when i am dead 'cos i gt so much to say to so many ppl. =D

omg.i dunno y but i keep receiving sms from you.and the thing is my phone didnt even beep but the sms just kept coming in -_-

and they are the exact same sms.even same to the one u sent out from your phone previously but u said u didnt send out any.-________-

my phone is mad.but i will miss it if i have to change to a new one.there are so many things i went through with this phone.=D

i am watching this clip now.mute of course.but it shud b quite funny la.

http://sg.video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=457131

go see.

=D

another 10 mins to the end of work!=D

and oh ya.the phone calls we share at night nowadays are something i look fwd to every night.they complete my days when we exchange on what we do during the day.i hope i don't bore you with me rattling on and on.hahaha.

=) i guess this is all i have to say now. looking forward to your reply sweet =)

loadsa love

zhihua.

i wrote this email to baby while i was in the office ytd.

many happened over the past week.as in Sat/Sunday morning and Monday while i was on MC.

and it is classified into 2 cats.haha

we met at my place's swimming pool.we went7-11 to get a drink.he gt some tea cos he drank b4 he came and i gt d barcardi breezer i gian-ed since friday=D
anw.
so we started talking.about him meeting his poly classmates whom he haven seen for a very long time.and he was telling me how pretty the waitress is from the pub they went.and how come her classmate from poly became suddenly very close to him.physically.hahaha.i'm not quite affected, not very very surprisingly.'cos i know those are not the issues that come between us.and it is not the first time he told me another lady is pretty in my face.hahaha.but i'm totally cool with tt la.

we sat at the pool.then dunno how we got to the topic then i asked if i cld ask about the card.then i held my breath.
he said.yes he read it.aiya.i oso cnt rmb what he said exactly.all in all.he said he cnt be with me now.if both of us r tog, wad abt winne -__- (then wad abt me, baby?) he still loves me, cares for me.at 1 point of time, he gt quite frustrated and told me to tell him what to do.i said.if u ask me, i'll selfishly want u to b with me but how can?(considering how u still feel abt winnie.)i could really feel that he still has something for me and i was really comforted.i wanted to kiss him or even gt intimate with him.he said.zhihua.don't be like this.we'll be kissing again.I WAS LIKE HOLY.i cldnt believe wad i heard.hahah.however, i insisted that we kiss and he aksed why and what would i gain from that.eh!hello!i nv seek to gain anything from you my dear.except for your love and such.y u making it sound like a transaction?-_- then i said,i just wanted to be in that for the last time 'cos i dunno when we can b like this again.eventually he obliged.and i felt very cheap n slutty.he assured me i am not.well.

then we started touching each other at *ahem* places and HE suggested going up my place.i was pleasantly surprised.but wen we were in bed, he started asking me if i really want to do it.i was very sure and i wanted us to enjoy ourselves like we did.oh ya.b4 i 4gt.we were kissing by the pool when tears suddenly flowed down my cheeks.i cldnt believe it was maybe the last time we would be so close together and it hurts to even think of that now.okie.back to bed.i reassured him this is what i want and i want him to be happy about it.so we did what we loved.and i miss that alot.the best thing is he said there's still a chance for the both for us, just not now.i felt i resurrected.

he left for home abt 5 plus in d morning.and i swear i almost wanted to die when he walked away.but sorta comforted n hopeful again 'cos of what he said.

then the dreadful monday came.i was on MC and we were suppose to meet taht day but cldnt 'cos his mum needed help at home.and i really wanted to see him so i asked if i cld meet him at his place.he didnt want to.he said we can meet but nt at his place.i dunno why.'cos he didnt want to create this chance to let us get intimate again.-_-
i was really upset 'cos i felt so rejected.then a while later we were on the phone.and he was very fierce and harsh over the phone.and he said really hurtful words like he told me not to make him regret knowing me and he doesnt care abt me anymore.he asked why i couldnt understand after he telling me so much on that day at my place.i say i coudlnt understand why we love each other so much but cnt b together.he kept asking me what to do.hello!how i know!if u let me decide, we wunt b like this now.i was wondering today or ytd.if u asked me what i think of us then, and we talked about everything tog b4 it was too late, wunt it b better?aiya.i tot of sth else oso.but i cnt rmb wad la.argh.

he was shouting and was very angry over the phone.and it scared me.i never like him lidat.he would seem veh different from the person i know who loves and dotes on me.i told him to chill and dont shout at me.i mean.i was like talking to him nicely and he had to do that.and he wasnt nice at all saying al those things and how he said it was so not him.i don't want to even rmb what he said.it just wasnt nice.at all.nothing nice came out from the phone conversation.

he sms and said sorry when we put down the phone.=(

i admitted it was me.i shouldnt have asked him further since he already told me on sat/sun.i shouldnt have started all these when i know it will upset us.i shouldnt have started these at all.i am sorry sweet.then i called and asked if we could just put whatever we said on the phone behind us.he still asked why -_- i said ts nothing nice to rmb about it what.he said ya don't worry.okie.it's weird.

omg.this blog entry is being entered over such a long period of time( about a week) and many things happened over this time.we were on the phone ytd then he had to put down the phone 'cos had some talk whatsoever.he didnt call back so i assumed he was at work already so i told him take care at work and stuff lidat.he said he wasnt at work but was at the talk.i said it's okie then and he thought i was angry.nah.i wasnt but maybe a little disappointed he didnt call me back.or at least a sms.i told him i wasnt angry la.'cos i know he's gonna b at work and i assumed he was with his friends and he doesnt like talking on the phone (to me) when he's around with his friends.which i always thought is sth quite unusual, esp when we were still together.and he replied and thank me for being understanding.so funny

but in a sense, i feel better giving him the space he always needs 'cos he seems to be more appreciative of that and also happier.and seeing him feel this way makes me happy too.doing so also free myself from being the suffocating/ insufferable bitch who i know i might be able to stand if we swoop positions.but it makes me worry that we'll be distant-ing.and this is as if we're not far away enough. -_-

i said in one of d sms we exchanged a few days back.i said can i tell u i miss you.he replied up to you ya.CB.wad kind of f reply is tis u tel me!?
-_-

he told he he will still talk to me and told me not to think so much.eh.we hardly get to talk this few days and the cold treatment you've been giving me really make me think if u still rmb what you told me when you said u will still always be there for me.you promised you will be.don't walk out on me.

i miss you alot sweetheart.but i want and am learning to let go.though i never want us to be apart, it sometimes seem inevitable we have to be in this way.but i still believe we can do something to bring us back into each other's arms.i love you.

how i wish i cld tell you all these.but i dont think i will 'cos u prolly wunt want to know.and it might even worsen our relationship.-_- if there's one to start with.